The Vaquero!

Bubble in the bath tub May 13, 2007

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard
students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, “Let’s start with the boys first.”

Boys start giving their intro…

First boy: “My name is John, and my hobby is to see
bubble in the
bathtub.”

Teacher was confused to listen but said, “Interesting.
Well, Ok. In
fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And
after all there is
essentially a child in each of us. So it’s ok John.
Yes next.”

Second boy: “Myself Peter and my hobby is to see
bubble in the
bathtub.”

Teacher now got surprised and said, “Good. I like the
spirit of
supporting a friend. Ok next.”

Third boy: “I’m Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in
the bathtub.”

Teacher: “Guys are you joking or what? Please be
sincere. Ok next.”

This continues…

and the last boy stands up “I’m Harry and my hobby is
to see bubble in
the bathtub.”

Exhausted, the teacher said, “I don’t think I will be
able to teach
un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please.”

First girl: “I’m Julie and my hobby is to see birds.”

Teacher: “Good. At last I got something different. Ok
next.”

Second girl: “I’m Ruby and I like to collect
perfumes.”

Teacher “Now it’s like educated grown up girls. Ok
next. You sweet
girl; Yes you…”

Most beautiful girl of the class:

“Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath
three times a
day.”

Bigger! May 12, 2007

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word ‘pe*nis’ in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.
The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word ‘pe*nis’ again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day`s lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day`s word, larger than the previous day`s word. Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words,
“The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!”

A wives tale! May 12, 2007

three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their
new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from New Delhi,
and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes
and house cleaning.
He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean
house and the dishes were done..

The second man had married a woman from Bombay.
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the
cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
On the first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was
better.
By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a
huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Punjabi girl.
He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house
cleaned, dishes washed,
lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said…
the first day he didn’t see anything,
the second day he didn’t see anything..
but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a
little out of his left eye..

Marrying an IT proffesional May 12, 2007

Consequence of marrying someone who’s an IT professional …
This is the consequence of marrying someone who’s an IT professional…
Starting a day, the conversation between a wife and a husband who happens
to be a software engineer would be like this.

Husband : (Returning late from work) “Good Evening Dear, I’m now logged in.”
Wife : Have you brought the grocery?
Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in the morning
Husband : Erroneous syntax. Abort
Wife : What about my new TV?
Husband : Variable not found …
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied …
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?

Husband : Too many parameters …
Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are useless.
Husband : It’s by Default.
Wife : What about your Salary?
Husband : File in use … Try after some time.
Wife : What is my value in the family.
Husband : Unknown Virus

Year 2019 – Cricket World Cup News May 12, 2007

* India failed to defeat Afghanistan in the world cup qualifier in the Asia -Pacific zone
* Coach Sehwag said that he is not worried bcoz he has backing of selectors, captain and board…. and that they had won a close match against Papua new guinea just 2 yrs ago
* Rahul Dravid, the coach of New Zealand team said that Sachin should now consider retiring gracefully and let his son take over the captaincy
* Mahender Singh Dhoni broke Ajit Agarkars record of most no of consecutive ducks in twenty 20
* Saurav Ganguly, the coach of England feels that the boys need to control their emotions on the field
* The current leading man from bollywood Bret Lee advices MS Dhoni to take up acting as well
* Minnows Pakistan beat Ireland in a close match…and thus they avenged their defeat in the 2007 WC against the then minnows Ireland
* Inzamam ul haq, who was the captain of the losing team and now the present coach said in a press interview that “Boys plays well…they try hard…inshallah we wins the world cup”
* The police arrested 8 ppl for violence after England and NZ match… ” Investigations revealed that these ppl were members of Dravid and Ganguly fan communities on Orkut, which have 62 and 12 members respectively. “
* The Indian cricket board led by president Rahul Gandhi has called for an emergency meeting to discuss future course of action. Former players like Yuvraj Singh, Md Kaif, VVS Laxman and Kumble have been invited…coach Sehwag and captain Tendulkar will present a report…
* VVS Laxman today created a new controversy by saying that he expected a written apology from Rahul Gandhi for including him in the category of former players…. he said that he has improved his fielding and fitness and wants to play 2023 WC in Brazil

Lunch with the Sardar May 12, 2007

An Irishman, a Mexican, and a Sardar were doing construction work on the 20th floor of building. They were eating lunch when the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, Im going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened his lunch box and said, “Burritos again?? If I get burritos one more time, Im going to jump, too.” The Surdar opened his lunch and said, “Parathe again.If I get a parathe one more time, Im jumping, too.”
The Next Day: The Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.The Mexican opens his lunch box, sees a burrito and jumps to his death. The surdar opens his lunch, sees the parathe and also jumps to his death.
At the funeral, the Irishmans wife is weeping. She says, “If I had known how tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again.” The Mexicans wife also weeps and says, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas. I didnt realize he hated burritos so much.” Everyone turned and stared at the Surdars wife, and she said, “Hey, dont look at me… that dumb-ass used to make his own lunch”.

Jokes on Marriage May 12, 2007

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must
be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

when a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you
get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is,
“What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go
to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft
music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
Henry Youngman

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
Sam Kinison

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
James Holt McGavran

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the
second one didn’t.”
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it
once…
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
Milton Berle

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy “You’re lucky,
mine’s still alive.”